Figured I would give the whole blogging thing a try. I've considered it before but never saw a point. If I had something to say, I normally talked to a friend. As of late, its hard to talk to friends about everything or what's really bothering me. The people I normally talked to kinda let me know they didn't really want to hear about all the things that were really bugging me. So I have of late stopped telling them when I'm upset and instead just not talking to them when all I really need is someone who will talk to me. I keep our conversations to happy topics, but you don't always have much to say when the day has not been a good one.
As of late, I've just been dealing with the things I didn't realize I hadn't come to terms with before. I thought I had managed to deal with the pains. I discovered that I had just managed to avoid dealing with it and distracting myself from the feelings I longed to not feel. Its hard to talk to people who don't understand just how you feel or why. And I don't blame them a bit. They TRY so hard to help me, but I don't know how to allow them to help me some times.
Its hard when you feel talking to friends is not what they want. They want you to be happy, and a mask is all you can show them. I was not a fan of two faced people, but as of late getting by has been done best with a mask. And so few are willing to really pay attention to those around them. One of the features I have, is reading like an open book if only you know how. My eyes really can tell a story ... If only people are willing to pay attention.
Only a few in my life have ever decided to really pay attention and they have been the truest friends I have ever met. I wouldn't be me without them! I want them to know what they mean to me, but its so hard to tell them point blank how much I want them in my world forever. A hardy thanks is in order.
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