Saturday

Today was a weird one. I started out in a good mood but rather tired. I don't know if that was a factor in the quick but prompt mood change later in the day. I almost forgot about Alexis's graduation party until it was pretty well over when I got there. But I at least still went.

From there, I headed back to my house but I was crying. I didn't understand what had happened to the good mood, but I remember driving down a road wondering just who would even ever miss me if I just killed myself. Clearly not Tim or Christina or anyone else up here. Its not like they see me enough for it to make a difference to them. (I know my mom would lose it.) I haven't actually had thoughts of how I could just end it in a long long time, but tonight I did.

I wiped away my tears and tried to focus a bit. Realizing that coming home this weekend was a bad idea all around. Then I drove by Cory's and realized he was probably home. I haven't seen him in almost a year. So I just pulled in completely unexpected to visit. I guess its what I do best, just showing up at people's houses. Anyways ... the good catching up and talking was a great uplift. I told him TJ was home and he decided he would probably go, because, like me, he hadn't seen TJ in almost two years too.

He drove separate, which was cool, since I ended up having a few and enjoying a few new games to me with my cousin. It was great, I haven't really hung out with her since I was, I believe, a junior in high school. We got a little drunk together, and I tried to sober up completely before we left. Her guy made sure he followed me home and turns out I shouldn't have been driving. I mean, I stayed in my lines great, I drove speed limit, but my attention span and alertness were both gone! Just gone! Good thing it was only a couple of miles.

In the end, the night ended pretty well, except TJ was really upset about a few things and drinking didn't really help out at all. And when I got back, I had to try to hide from my mom that I was still a little out of it. Mainly I had to hide that I had been drinking at all. Scary!

Now I should probably go to bed. I'm tired and got about 4 hrs last night. Be back sometime early Sunday afternoon. I gotta be back, gotta study.