Just my recent thoughts .....

I'm not entirely sure how shit is suppose to work anymore.
Maybe the new year will help dissipate this horrible feeling of being entirely alone in this world. I no longer know. I'm getting so use to the feeling, it just doesn't seem to leave me anymore. I doubt it will change.
I kinda get a chance to start over in a new place this year. And even as much as I'll miss some people, I'm beginning to wonder if its going to be just as hard to have to return to Cincy as it was Fall Quarter. I hate to say it, but for some reason, I no longer have any desire to really be there. I have this strange desire to find some place new to try. But its my second home, and I have [basically] a family and friends I really care for there. Besides a dregree to finish.
Maybe its weird to think, but I really have never felt a belonging any where. I love so many of my friends so dearly. There are just so many days, I just want to pick up and walk away without looking back too much. I know I can't do that, and I couldn't bring myself to do that EVER. But this strange need to belong has never gone away. The only place I leave a small bit of my heart every time I'm there is the Great Smoky Mountains, but I don't think that's for me either.
I've yet to have a decent relationship. I may have had the most amazing date of my life, but I don't see much coming of it, he doesn't seem willing to try. The other two and half guys have been total jerks with no respect or caring in the world except their own selves. I keep hoping maybe I'll have at least a decent relationship. But then school should be more important.

I constantly resist the urge to just avoid contact with everyone ... I don't want to do that. But sometimes it hurts too bad to want to try anymore. Maybe that's why I was so willing to travel to Florida for a week - completely alone. I have to say, the drive was lonely and boring, but I did enjoy the time. Crazy weird how sometimes I just want to be entirely alone and other times never alone. Its a fight to work it all out....

And now that I'm a drink in and I have a movie to find, I'm gonna go spend what's left of this night with another Mike's Hard Lemonade and a movie by myself. Basically like last year, only with a couple of drinks this time.

Wish you all a better or great year to come! I'm hoping for it too!

face it .... it never goes the way you really want it to.

Best date of my life a couple of days ago .... hope he calls for another night like that before I leave.

Today, Bitter-Sweet .....
Started out horrible. The dental assistant made sure to hurt the gums that were already hurting like hell and made me bleed a lot. That's the first time I looked down at the little napkin thing, and saw it covered in blood.
I then had to stop at AAA to get directions/plans made out for my drive to Houston. Nice guy, told me I could pick them up in the morning. I went to talk to another lady about flying my mother home if she rides down with me. Hmm ... Well I couldn't get the lady to understand I had no idea what time I would get there, therefore it had to be late before she could fly out. What did the lady keep trying to give me? Early Sunday morning! What? or when I was suppose to be at work. Can't get my mom there when I'm not there yet. I tried for a full 15 minutes before I gave up and just told her to shove it, we'd figure it out later. I walked out of there after dealing with the bitch she was .... I was so pissed!
I called mom to ask if she had talked to Beth about it.... and in less than 10 miles, with full service, I dropped the call 5 times. Even when I was parked .... I almost trhough my phone out the window .... then some idiot decided not to pay attention to the fact that I was going the speed limit and almost hit me .... I set my Cruse just below speed limit and when the guy drove around, he was texting and not even looking at any possible on-coming traffic.
I've been horribly pissed at my dad as of late. So having to deal with him making me late to my car's appointment didn't go so well.

All seemed to be getting better, saw someone I worked with from Norcold for a bit. But then an insurance company called to make a claim on my insurance for damage I didn't do to the kids car! No fucking way! I left the note to let them know I didn't do that damage .... I did no damage! So now I have to call and make a statement with them to avoid it going on my insurance. I was so pissed! Why not call me? Why not ask me about what happened? Fuck them! I didn't do it and I have a police report to prove it and witnesses and pictures! That pissed me off because I could tell she didn't believe a word I was saying.

So I was already bitter! Then I spent a few good hours with my friends from high school... and that was the Sweet part. I had a great time, it was like old times. Just catching up and things. And golfing, bowling, and boxing! Hell yeah! I would get the Wii just for the boxing if I could afford it. It was so sweet! Left a bit earlier than I thought I would, but ....

Bitter-Sweet .... and I keep a small hope that this guy will call me before I leave to hang out one more night.

driving lessons

So I guess I've almost about blogged myself out. An adventure blog and a myspace blog.

On to this blog:
I discovered how alike my Aunt and my father are and where the Zwiebel bull-headed-ness comes from. Damn. I insisted I saw a sign, I knew what I was doing. But what do I know, I'm only a 21 year old compared to my aunt. I also never want to ride with my uncle Paul again. He scared the shit out of me. He would just suddenly apply his brakes when he saw a yellow light. He barely managed the speed limit and was afraid to make any kind of a 'quick' turn (be it quick or not). I couldn't even nap in the car because there was a continual jerking every now and then. I can't believe I'd ever think it, but sometimes old people driving is not a good thing.

...........

Plans changed

Seems plans have changed a bit ....
Cape Canaveral and Cocoa Beach will be tomorrow!
Disney Saturday.

Probably won't go clubbing with Ern then on Friday. Thought it might be fun though. Just we have to be at Disney by 9am on Saturday.

And I woke up from my nap boiling warm. But the house was really warm. When we got outside it was actually not too bad. High 70s and not too humid. Just beautiful weather. Seems I picked a good time to come down!

Sting Rays - What Joy!

Today was so amazing! I got to swim outside in December!
The sting rays wanted to be petted and kept coming back for more!
I bought myself a beer mug - Budwieser and that is exactly what I want to put in it.
I got a real pearl for $15.00 - it was a pink color.
I said Hi to the turtles for Jimmy.
And got to see Shamu.
Read more on the other blog.

Florida adventures insue!

Almost daily updates on the adventure at: Adventures of a Wanderer

Tentitive Schedule of events:
Tuesday: Sea World
Wednesday: hanging out here until Aunt Mariam gets done with her thing
Then flea market and other weird random shops
Thursday: EPCOT and Disney's Magic Kingdom and the fireworks
Friday: Luncheon with Aunt and other ladies, evening with Ern in Orlando
Saturday: Cape Canaveral and Cocoa Beach Florida and the Atlantic Ocean
Sunday: heading home ... and hopefully getting to Lenoir City again.

Travels to Florida ... then at the first of the year Houston .....

DONE!

Final Exam Week

Here's the tentative schedule of things this week:

Wednesday:
~8-10am: Kin & Dyn of Machines Final Exam
~3pm: Deconstructing Final Paper Due
Thursday:
~8-9:30am: Fluids Final Exam
~1:30-3:30pm: Manufacturing Processes Final Exam
~Manufacturing Paper Due~
Friday:
~8-10am: Basic Electrical Circuits Final Exam
~Maybe cookies and movies?

Until then, I will be studying or finishing up papers!
And at some point I need to do my chores and pack up my room.

~Lockheed Martin~

Its official. With only a drug test and back ground check to pass! I'll be working for Lockheed Martin every other 3 months! Crazy to think about it. But as it gets colder, I get a little happier I am moving to a warmer climate for the rest of the winter. I'll find it freezing cold I am sure when I come back though. Or home ....

But a plane ticket home for a round trip weekend is going to be over $300 a pop .... I'm not sure I could afford that. Maybe once but not more than twice.

Its not official yet.... but I will be accepting the co-op with Lockheed Martin.

Its just so weird knowing I turned down a possible hands on job for a known desk job. There were a few hints that pointed at having some hands on from time to time. But it did sound like it was going to be mainly computer based there too. So I decided to go with Lockheed Martin. I will have to fill out their paper work and sign my life away to accept the job, but .... it will be done before Monday. Then to take a drug test ....

I can't believe it. There is a small part of me that feels I chose the wrong job. But there is no turning back now, I guess.

I have not made the final decision. But as of right now the lean is toward Lockheed Martin and Texas. Its partly the weather, partly the things to do after work, partly the ABILITY TO ROTATE to different groups every quarter, and partly just my original want. In the end I think its the fact that I would get to see more areas of one company with Lockheed than with Northwest that might be winning out. But yeah, I know I'm making it harder than it should ever be. But they are both really nice jobs.

.....................

And offers now stand from both....