Just my recent thoughts .....

I'm not entirely sure how shit is suppose to work anymore.
Maybe the new year will help dissipate this horrible feeling of being entirely alone in this world. I no longer know. I'm getting so use to the feeling, it just doesn't seem to leave me anymore. I doubt it will change.
I kinda get a chance to start over in a new place this year. And even as much as I'll miss some people, I'm beginning to wonder if its going to be just as hard to have to return to Cincy as it was Fall Quarter. I hate to say it, but for some reason, I no longer have any desire to really be there. I have this strange desire to find some place new to try. But its my second home, and I have [basically] a family and friends I really care for there. Besides a dregree to finish.
Maybe its weird to think, but I really have never felt a belonging any where. I love so many of my friends so dearly. There are just so many days, I just want to pick up and walk away without looking back too much. I know I can't do that, and I couldn't bring myself to do that EVER. But this strange need to belong has never gone away. The only place I leave a small bit of my heart every time I'm there is the Great Smoky Mountains, but I don't think that's for me either.
I've yet to have a decent relationship. I may have had the most amazing date of my life, but I don't see much coming of it, he doesn't seem willing to try. The other two and half guys have been total jerks with no respect or caring in the world except their own selves. I keep hoping maybe I'll have at least a decent relationship. But then school should be more important.

I constantly resist the urge to just avoid contact with everyone ... I don't want to do that. But sometimes it hurts too bad to want to try anymore. Maybe that's why I was so willing to travel to Florida for a week - completely alone. I have to say, the drive was lonely and boring, but I did enjoy the time. Crazy weird how sometimes I just want to be entirely alone and other times never alone. Its a fight to work it all out....

And now that I'm a drink in and I have a movie to find, I'm gonna go spend what's left of this night with another Mike's Hard Lemonade and a movie by myself. Basically like last year, only with a couple of drinks this time.

Wish you all a better or great year to come! I'm hoping for it too!