Faith

I opted for a bit of poetry today. I am not the best at words and no they don't always make sense, but I write them anyways. This is my way of putting some thoughts into words. And after re-reading it, it didn't go quite the way I planned. And just to clarify before you start reading that first stanza does not refer to the ex. It refers to feelings I've been dealing with for quite a while .... and don't always know how to put into words. So it was the only wording I had that I thought might have a flow to it. You can try to read with a beat, but it doesn't quite carry one through-out. Eh .... some of my good ones are in notebooks I won't see until school next year.

A little Faith and Wondering
~AAZwiebel~ 6/16/08

Why is it: I long to be
with someone I cannot have
And always so depressed
broken and so sad

I wish I knew the answer
I wish I knew the fix
I long to just be me
The me I was before

I was told today
I am not weak but strong
How can one girl fight for so long
And never give in?

I was given hope
That it is strength I have
I’ve just been attacked so long
I’ve had no time to heal

He didn’t destroy me
Because I am still here
He tortured my spirit
And yet I held on

I long to be loved
Just once for being me
I long to be respected
And treated the way I should be

So maybe I’m different
I’m not like all of you
I never claimed to be
For I know I never will

I never saw the strength
I only saw the pain
I’ve been broken down so long
I couldn’t see that today

I was told I am amazing
I know just what I want
I know he’s not the one
But I’m afraid to end up alone

Right now I long to be
just me the way I am
Holding on to friends
I know want me around

Sometimes I question them
For fear of losing them
I’m gonna be afraid
Just reassure me then

So maybe I’m hopeless
A romantic at heart
But sometimes I just want
To reach out again

I don’t want to lose
What I know I have
But time always changes
And so can some things not so bad

I’m holding on to a heart
I Only wish was whole again
I’m building up a wall
I hope will not break down

So I know I’ll need strength
Someday I hope I’ll be
At least half the woman
I know I can be today.