I honestly don't think I've ever hurt this bad before in my life. I've never hurt so bad that I can't control my own body. But this time, I can't stop shaking. I can't stop crying. And the pain is almost unbearable. It hurts bad enough, I've had to actually fight to keep from puking. I've never felt this way before. I've never wanted more in my life than to end the pain by my own hand. I've never wanted more than it to end right now. I've never gotten that far in thought before. I scares me. And no one gives a damn at all!

I needed someone really bad last night. Just to be there, physically. Someone to just give me a hug and let me know everything would be okay. I thank all those who tried to talk to me on line but that really wasn't what I needed. And I never felt more alone and abandoned in my life.